A Path I Must Follow
by WhiteAsh
Summary: From the point of view of Koumyou Sanzo. This story is, in my own humble opinion, an interesting and believable take on Koumyou's thoughts.


Title: A Path I Must Follow

Author/Artist: WhiteAsh/GuardianYugi

Pairing(s): Hints here and there of Ukoku/Koumyou and Koumyou/Kouryuu

Notes: This story hit me like a truck. I had to get it written and I truly hope you all enjoy it.

_Someone tell me this isn't happening._

I couldn't believe it myself, when I first took him from the river. How could a baby have been abandoned in such a way, with nothing but prayer beads to keep him safe. And yet, this was exactly what the Sanbutsushin told me I would find. Konzen Douji, reincarnated as a nameless baby, struggling for life amongst the river's rushing waves.

At first, I had simply ignored their prophecy. I was getting old already and such things truly didn't interest me... but then I began hearing a voice. Well, not so much a voice as it was a whisper. Like the sound of smoke. I held the baby close to my chest and it clung to me, seeking to suckle as if I were a mother. I held it at arms length. Such an adorable baby and yet... there was something else about him.

Ukoku, a long time friend of mine, asked me what on earth I was planning to do with a baby. I smiled warmly to him, which I knew he disliked and yet liked very much, and told him I would be raising the child. Of course, Ukoku thought I was insane. I told him he wouldn't have been the first to think such things.

As the years passed and I grew older, River Orphan Kouryuu, as the other children had taken to calling him, began developing into a fine young boy. It was plain from the moment he'd looked up at me and had been able to focus and understand that I was a human being, not simply a distorted voice, that he would be inseperable from my side. This bothered me. If this boy was truly the reincarnation of a God . . . then I truly had no right to be raising him at all.

_Someone tell me this is a lie._

I didn't want to raise Kouryuu. I didn't want this burden. This responsibility. I'd wanted to grow old and to die happily in my sleep. The Sanbutsushin told me I would die in the midst of Kouryuu's growth, to help him _learn how to be alone._ I'd grown angry with the Sanbutsushin, casting them down for treating me like a play thing. Ukoku, who'd come with me, had cowered. I never grew angry, thus if and when I did, it was a sight to behold, not to challenge.

I would be happy if I could say the Sanbutsushin were shaken at all. Truth be told, they didn't seem to notice my rage at all. Moreover, they continued telling me of Kouryuu's fate, and of what to do when the time came. I was to make Kouryuu a Sanzo Priest. I'd been planning on doing this anyway but now it was being ordered upon me. This... made my task much less desireable.

That night, my comforts were few. He brushed my hair for me, which helped a little I suppose... but I knew that eventually, even my closest friend would have to leave me behind as well... and this thought hurt more than anything I could imagine. The thought of dying and letting go of my mortality was the greatest thing I'd ever had to deal with before finding Ukoku and Kouryuu. How could I, with these two so dear to me, ever feel as alone as I did now?

_Someone show me another path._

I did not want to die. Time passed and Kouryuu grew older. He followed me everywhere when I was at the temple. His bright purple eyes brimmed with a dormant power that only I could see as being from Konzen Douji... the rest mistook this power as Kouryuu being a Rasetsu... which troubled me. Kouryuu sometimes asked me why I'd bothered to save a wretch like him. I worried when he asked me these things as it usually meant the bullying he had to deal with was getting much worse.

I asked him sometimes if he doubted his own life. He'd look away, his fierce eyes softening. He hated to cry, or to let people see him cry... but on the rare occasion he did shed any tears, it was only ever in my presence, as he knew he could turn to me. If only, I thought, if only this poor child had clung to someone else. I'm not deserving of his love. But then I would embrace him and tell him it was alright to cry if he needed to. Feeling his small arms around me as he cried gave me the most wonderful feeling of pride.

In a way, I was selfish. I wanted him to be more like my son than my apprentice. But then, I suppose he already was. Ukoku had stopped visiting; it was obvious that he did not want to be present if and when my preordained fate befell me. Finally, I could bear it no more.

_Who could ever bear this burden?_

I went to see the Sanbutsushin, begging them for another path to take. I did not want to die so Kouryuu would learn his independence. I wanted to be there to teach him how to live. To die would kill him too, I argued. He had no one else _but_ me. How could they do this to him? The Sanbutsushin then said something which chilled me to my bones. They used my very own teaching against me. Hold Nothing. I was defeated. Utterly. Completely.

_Thus, I follow the Raven._

That night, I called Kouryuu to my room and bestowed my final words of comfort, masked into words of wisdom. It took all of my strength to prevent my own tears from falling as the youkai crashed into my room, drawing its blade and cutting open my body.

_Kouryuu, please, continue to grow strong._

This was my final wish.

Then, the Ravens' crowing filled my ears, my mind faded...

_Thus begins the life of Genjyo Sanzo, and the end of my own._


End file.
